This is now the fifth edition of the Hocktionary, meaning that I have more blog posts about hockey terminology than the 3 California teams have Stanley Cups, combined. Yet, the newest team is going in the same geographical region….way to go Gary, way to go.
We are past the quarter mark of the current season, which means that you’ve all had a chance to get a little more experience under your belt. This also means that there are some more terms that perhaps you’ve notice pop up now and again that you’re not fully confident you understand.
Mama’s here child, mama’s here.
Bobby Baun — A former player from 1956-1973. During the Stanley Cup finals in 1964. Baun fractured his ankle during the game but instead it ending his season, he returned to play in overtime and scored the game winning goal. This is the ultimate proof of why hockey players are the toughest sportsmen around (lookin’ at you soccer wimps).
Butterfly Style Goaltending — Considered the most popular style of play amongst goaltenders in the modern era, this style was popularized by players such as Patrick Roy, Martin Brodeur and Roberto Luongo. This is where the goalie hides in a cocoon for most of the game but stops pucks by bursting out in brightly coloured outfits to dazzle the scorer into distraction. Some say it’s actually a style where you block shots from your knees…but I like mine better.
Instigator Rule — In the old days, fighting used to be a big part of the game; everyone has heard the joke “I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out”. These days, Gary Bettman is scared of fighting because it hurts his man-breasts to see real hockey; so they instituted the instigator rule. This is when the person who initiates the fight gets an extra penalty; which is costly to his team and often not worth it.
Trade for a bag of pucks — A common term that means a player is so useless and worthless that it wouldn’t be worth trading anything for him except some excess equipment. It sounds strange, sure, but Kris Draper was once traded for $1…so it could happen. Frankly I’d much rather have a bag of pucks than have to play with a guy like Kypreos….god I hate Kypreos.
Foster Hewitt — Former on-air announcer for Hockey Night in Canada. Hewitt called games for over 40 years and was said to have never uttered a swear word because he didn’t want to risk having one accidentally slip out on air. His original gondola from where he called games was destroyed by the Ballard administration to make room for corporate box seats, proving again that Harold Ballard was actually Satan.
Stay at Home Defenseman — Everyone wants to be Wayne Gretzsky, Mario Lemieux and Rocket Richard…fewer people give the same amount of recognition to the Ray Bourques and Niklas Lidstroms of the world because defense isn’t as glamorous. A stay-at-home defenseman is a D-man who doesn’t jump into the offensive plays very often; he stays behind the play, always focused on defending his zone while others take care of the offense. This is a highly undervalued job and is like a stay-at-home dad in that they do the dirty work and never get thanked…well I am thanking you!
Forecheck — This is when a player likes another player, so to show him he’s interested, he bumps into him…it’s a foreplay of body checking. Well, no, it’s when you body check someone in their own defensive zone to prevent them from organizing a play against you….but I’m not far off. C’mon, all that body touching and physical contact….something’s gotta spark, wink wink.
Blueliner — synonym for defenseman. Called so because the team zones are delineated by blue lines on the ice; the defense is in charge of their zone to the blue line- or they get a paddlin’. This could also be used to describe women in the 1980’s who wore a lot of blue eyeliner and wore big shoulder pads, because they looked like hockey players with those things anyways.
Ok my students, now next week is the exam where all of the terms to date will be required with full definitions, examples and diagrams. Just kidding, next week I’m planning on eating 4 pizzas and telling children that there is no Santa Claus….Happy Hockey-ing!